Fear runs our lives.  Whether it's insecurity (what other people think), phobias (wasps suck), fear of impending doom (like being held up by traffic when you're already late for work), and fear of God.

What?

Fear of God.

You mean the respectful fear, right?  That's totally different.  That's "Wow!" not "Uh-oh."

Exactly.  But like the imagined correspondent said, there's respect and there's dread.  Irrational fear.  Shame.

Which brings me to this question: how do I fear God?

As a new Christian who has really only become more on track in her walk in the past year or less, lots of questions constantly invade my mind.  Doubts.  Questions that play devil's advocate to test me, to make me grow stronger.  To see if Jesus is up to the test (duh). 

Am I respectful of God or AFRAID?

I wish I were not on a time limit in the library and without a Bible reference to cite the verse, but I know one obvious answer to my question: "Fear NOT."

Fear not?

So why is it that (I know I'm not the only one) we have God as a knowledge, as an intellectual function in our lives?  Why are we (or am I) afraid to fully allow His presence to appear?

In our moments of wandering we know that our emptiness demands a filler.  That filler is God.  So when I ask Him to come into my heart, fill me with His presence, why I am I cowered in the fetal position or standing back from Him?

Alas, the answer.  SIN.  It is the one thing that separates us from God.  Sin is, in its basest form, the act of straying from God's desire, from Him.  So what sin holds me back?  If He were to come into the room that I am in right now (or when I am at home), I think I would become so weak I could scarcely breathe.

Why?  I am saved!  Would I not rejoice?

Yes, of course.  But (are you following me in my thought process here) am I free of sin every time I come to Him?  And if I continue in sin, how sincere is my repentence?

Furthermore, if my sin is holding me from his presence out of fear (dread), then how can I continue to get closer?

Think of how much more we would radiate joy and be flying free if we were to experience God that much deeper, that much fuller. 

I have no idea how to wrap this up and fit it in to one of the categories of trust, submission and obedience.  I think that again, it is all three.

Will I be ready for this mission and ready to preach the gospel if my heart is not ready and is distant from God?  That is an obvious and resounding NO. 

So this week, I challenge all of you (as well as myself) to really assess the situation.  Do you feel God is quiet?  That your mind and your heart are not in sync?  That there's a road block in your head?  Pray about it.  I did last night.  I recommend listening to a song that just pierces your heart every time you hear it.

Part of a trusting relationship is removing the barrier.  That's my assignment for myself this week.  What's yours?